Test The Waters

Test the Waters Talking can go a long way toward helping to build trust between you and your partner, but there's nothing like putting the things you learn in these conversations to the test. While deliberately provoking your partner is not recommended, there will always be situations where you will get the chance to see if the things you hear in your conversations are actually how your partner lives their life. Hard Times When things get tough in your relationship, you have a great opportunity to build trust between you and your partner. While you might not appreciate this at the time, knowing that you're working toward true love in a committed relationship can help make difficult circumstances easier. Depending on how tough things are, you may or may not be able to experience the trust being built while the hard situation is going on. However, if you feel like your partner is supporting you and standing by you while you figure out how to get through whatever is going on, you are probably in the process of building trust with them. Hard times are also a chance to try commitment on and see how it works with you and your partner. Often, when things are difficult, it would be easier to leave your partner than to stay with them. If you decide to stay together and see how it works out, though, you get the chance to find out whether commitment is something that will work between the two of you. If it seems like a good thing, you will be less likely to feel afraid of a longer term commitment. Awkward Situations Everyone has family members who make their lives difficult or friends who are sometimes hard to be around. Once you've talked to your partner about these people, seeing how your partner reacts to them in person will help you build trust and strengthen your relationship. Things to look for especially include whether or not your partner supports you in hard interactions, how much they tolerate the difficult person, and whether or not they stand up for you if and when that is appropriate. If you feel like your partner was able to stand with you in a hard situation or with a difficult person, you will feel more secure that they will continue to do so throughout the course of your relationship. Note that it's important that you talk with your partner about your difficulties with a person or a situation before you are in the situation together. It's not fair to lead your partner into a situation that they don't know is going to be a test. Instead, talk beforehand. Tell them why things are difficult and what you think would help you feel better about it. Ask them to be there for you in whatever way they feel like they can, and then see what happens. While actually testing your relationship can be scary and often means walking through difficulty, it will be worth it when you know you can trust your partner. Then you will feel more confident committing to them, and so will build true love into your relationship.

Article # 5 "Baby Light My Fire"

Article 5 In The Series "Baby, Light My Fire" Make It a Priority to Spend Time Together Remember when you first got together as a couple and you couldn't wait to see each other? You made it a priority to spend time together. As you got comfortable in your relationship, you may have gotten complacent about the quality time you spend together. Sure, you may "hang out", do chores together, and spend low quality time in each other’s presence. But, spending quality time together is important for the health of any relationship. Try to go out on a real date at least every couple of weeks. When you make an effort to plan and prepare for a date, you indicate to your partner that you continue to enjoy his or her company. Your time is valuable. No matter how rich you are, you only have 24 hours in a day. When you "invest" some of those hours in your partner, you enrich the relationship. If you don't do this, you can expect your relationship to wither away from neglect. Keep Up the Communication You stay close with your honey by sharing your thoughts, dreams, hopes, and fears. If you stop doing this, your relationship will die. There are many types of communication in a relationship. Some is the currency of everyday life: "can you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home?" "who's going to drop off the kids." Some of it is endearing – particularly "I love you." Some of it is pillow talk. And, some is effectively arguing. That's right – not every communication is going to be one of love or agreement. You need to know how to fight fair if you are going to have a successful relationship. That's because no relationship goes along smoothly 100 percent of the time. There are issues to be resolved. How you resolve those problems is key to how effective your relationship works for you. So, learn to be assertive about your needs but also willing to listen and compromise. Learning the art of communication with your partner will go a long way to securing your relationship for the duration. The Most Important Times of the Day There are three times during the day that are key to your relationship. While they only last 15 minutes a piece, these 45 minutes are more important than the other 23 hours combined. The first important time is the first time you see each other in the morning. So, instead of grousing, start the day with a big hug and tell your partner you love him or her. The next time is right when you get home from work. You've been apart for 10 hours or so and this is your chance to reconnect. Don't come in, slam the door and complain about your boss. Instead, start the evening off right by letting your spouse know how much you appreciate coming home to him or her. This is not to say that you can't use your spouse as a sounding board for the problems you face in work or life. But, treasure the first 15 minutes by making an effort to be positive about the other person rather than negative about outside forces. Finally, the last 15 minutes before one of you drifts off to sleep are key. Your brain will work on the things that are said and done right before falling asleep, so make sure these experiences are positive. If you are not married or living together but are in a committed relationship, the last 15 minutes you spend before going home for the night are probably the most important of the date. By practicing appreciation during these three 15 minute periods, you will let your mate know that you don't take him or her for granted. Wonderful things tend to happen when you reshape your approach during these times. You will find it easier to handle stress that happens during the other times because you have "banked" these good times. Article 6 in the series of "Baby, Light My Fire" articles will conclude this series of articles.

Lack Of Trust In A Relationship

Lack of Trust In A Relationship Your Relationship and Lack of Trust Love can't exist without trust. If one person within the relationship constantly feels as though the other is sneaking around or hiding secrets, or perhaps has even been caught being unfaithful, this can damage the trust in a relationship. Mutual trust can be a strong basis for a healthy relationship. When that trust is breached, not only does one partner feel betrayed, disappointed and cheated, but the other partner can often feel enormous guilt. These negative emotions can lead to other problems within the relationship, including communication problems and insecurity. Building and earning another person's trust and respect takes time, especially after catching your partner out on something major, like an affair or a significant lie. Only you can know whether you're prepared to forgive a major breach in trust. If you do decide to work on mending the relationship you should also be prepared not to throw the indiscretion back in the other person's face at every opportunity. When you've told your partner you're willing to forgive what's happened, but then immediately make them feel bad for it all over again at every opportunity, you're holding a grudge, which can break down any work you've done towards trying to fix your relationship. Mending the Rift If the trust in your relationship has been destroyed, trying to cling to your partner or not let them out of your sight is not going to make things better. You'll end up smothering the other person and making them feel suffocated. Your own fears about them repeating the problem are creating even less trust, which can spiral into a vicious cycle. Holding a grudge and reminding your partner about their behavior regularly is also a sign that you're not willing to forgive and move on. Your partner may begin to feel as though it's all too hard if you're not willing to work on more positive ways to get through a bad patch. Communication and understanding are vital when you're trying to mend a breach in trust. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If he or she is truly sorry for the behavior and seems honestly regretful about it, then there's a chance that it was a mistake and won't be repeated. However, there are some occasions where it may be possible to consider if you want to remain in the relationship at all. Only you can know if you're willing to forgive a breach of trust.

Persue Each Others Interests

Pursue Each Others Interests In addition to pursuing interests that are new to both of you, you can also build the friendship between you and your partner by pursuing things that are only of interest to one of you. This shows the other person that you truly care for them, because you're willing to go out of your way to understand them, and also gives the two of you even more things you can do together. Why Pursue Something That You're Not Interested In? For some people, the idea of pursuing interests that aren't their own sounds like an onerous task. There are, however, many good reasons to try and do so anyway. First of all, doing something that wouldn't be your first choice of activities simply because it's important to your partner communicates a lot of things to them, all of them positive. It says that they are more important to you than your own comfort level, and that you are willing to try new things simply because your partner is in your life. All of these will lead to a deeper friendship between the two of you. Secondly, long-term relationships involve a lot of give and take. If you're not able to enter into this aspect of the relationship in something simple like spending an afternoon doing something you don't really like, you should consider how ready you really are for a more serious relationship. Finally, one of the most important aspects of friendship is having things you can do with another person. If you know, at least at a basic level, how to do an activity that your partner enjoys, then it is one more thing that you can do together. It may not be something you want to do all the time, but having it in your arsenal gives you one more tool for building a more committed relationship. What if You Hate It? Sometimes, your partner will be interested in something that you simply cannot pursue with them. Maybe you've tried skydiving and it made you ill, or you're allergic to plants and your partner likes to grow things. When these situations arise, make sure your partner knows why you cannot pursue their interest with them. Express how much you care for them, and make an effort to make specific plans with them to do something else. Then, allow your partner to go his or her own way and enjoy the chosen activity without you. Giving your partner this freedom can also communicate how important they are to you and that you want the relationship to be deeper and stronger.

Fear In A Relationship

Fear In a Relationship Relationship Fear There are couples who remain together out of fear. They fear being alone, they fear what it might mean to lose their loved one. They fear having to survive financially without a partner or they fear leaving because their partner has threatened them in some way. Fear is simply a sense of dread about the unknown, fueled by the imagination giving you all sorts of worst-case-scenario images about what might go wrong. If you're in your relationship because you're afraid to be alone, then this should be a signal to you that your relationship isn't right for you, but you aren't ready to move on as an independent adult. However, if your fear is based on a more serious psychological issue, such as physical or emotional abuse, then things are a little different. There are people who remain in relationships because they fear what their partner would do to them if they left. Their partner may have threatened to commit suicide if they leave, or they may have threatened to hunt them down and hurt them if they leave. Each of these kinds of threats falls under the Emotional Blackmail category and is damaging the trust, respect and future of the relationship. Mending the Rift Understand the reasons why you're afraid of your partner or fearful of leaving and then look closely at the reasons why you're staying. If you truly love that person and you know the relationship is perfect for you, then you will need to sort through your fear and anxiety to uncover the root of the problem. However, if your partner is abusive or threatening or has anger management issues, ask yourself seriously what kind of person shows love this way. Is this the type of love you want to receive? If you fear someone so much that you're afraid to leave, then you should question whether love is really a part of your relationship at all. A strong, healthy relationship involves love, trust and respect for and from each of you. These feelings can only survive when there is no fear of your partner or of what your partner might do. Communication and honesty about your feelings can be a good step towards mending some of the fear-issues, but only you can know if the relationship is worth saving in these circumstances.

Article # 4 "Baby Light My Fire "

Article 4 In The Series of "Baby, Light My Fire" Where to Have Sex The bedroom is the typical place where people have sex. Some people are more adventurous – "christening" each room in a brand new house or having sex outdoors for instance. If you are having trouble finding the time for sex or if neither of you are in the mood for sex these days, try getting away for a few days. Most people find that taking a trip is one of the most sexually liberating things they can do. Who to Have Sex With If you want your relationship to work, you should have sex only with your partner. Sex outside the relationship can destroy it. Sex is an intense, bonding experience. Bringing a third party into the scenario – whether through infidelity or through agreement – can only weaken the bonds that sex helped to create. Your Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings to behaviors. Therefore, if you are not behaving in a way conducive to romantic feelings, your thoughts are likely to blame. And you can change your thoughts. If you have been thinking negative thoughts about your partner, it is likely that those thoughts will lead to negative behaviors. These negative behaviors undermine your relationship. You need to be able to appreciate your partner's quirks. It would be pretty boring if your spouse or lover was just like you. Don't be like My Fair Lady's Henry Huggins and ask "why can't a lady be more like a man?" Appreciate your lady (or man) for what she is – not for what you are. You should also be aware of trying to make your partner into a clone of your gender. For instance, many women want their spouse to be more romantic, intuitive, communicative, and aware of details. These are feminine traits. Most women want their husbands to be masculine, but then undercut their manhood through pestering them about things that are ultimately feminine. Don't expect your husband to be just another one of your girlfriends. Try to look at your spouse's idiosyncrasies with a sense of humor. If he has a habit of leaving the cabinet doors open, don't get irritated. Lighten up. Think of it as a goofy behavior or an endearing trait. There are real problems in the world. Things like squeezing the toothpaste from the middle or leaving the toilet seat up are just quirky traits. Try not to let them become an 800 pound gorilla in the relationship. Neither your partner nor you are perfect. If you keep that in mind, these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors won't impede your relationship. Practice Being Warm, Upbeat, and Empathetic Most people want to be around other people who are warm and positive, not someone who is constantly complaining and nagging. It's just human nature. Think about this: if you're not fun to be around, why should your husband or wife want to hang around? You can be positive, warm, upbeat, and empathetic regardless of whatever problems you have in your life. It is a choice you can make. Take this test: if you were your partner, would you want to be with yourself? If the answer is no, you need to work on your positive attitude. Put yourself in your partner's shoes and you'll be able to see yourself and your own behaviors much more clearly. Try to start to act like someone you'd like to be with on a daily basis. It will improve your relationship significantly. Tomorrows article will continue the series of "Baby, Light My Fire"

Build Friendship, Learn Something Together

Build Friendship: Learn Something Together When you're in the process of building trust and getting to know each other, hopefully you'll also start building a close friendship with your partner. If you're going to commit to a long-term relationship and work at building true love, make sure you're doing it with someone who you not only love, but also like and enjoy spending time with. In an extended relationship, it can be this sort of deep friendship that holds things together when times are tough or you feel like the spark is gone. One of the best ways to build a friendship is to pursue common interests. When you're specifically working at making a casual relationship deeper, working to build common interests from the ground up can be especially effective. Thus, it will pay off for the two of you to spend some time learning something new together. Make Sure the Interest is Common While there's definitely a place for both of you to pursue something that only one of you is interested in, when building a new interest you should make sure it's something that you both really want to do. Most likely, one of you will be more interested in it than the other one is, but it still should be something both parties have a legitimate interest in. Find Something to Learn The possibilities for interests you can pursue together are endless. You can learn everything from dancing to pottery to gardening to a foreign language and more! If you're not sure where to start, it can help to look through the catalog of a local community college. While you might not want to do something as serious as taking a class together, it will give you a good idea of the different interests you could pursue. There are also lots of ways for the two of your to pursue your interests. You can take a class, hire a tutor, find a friend who knows what they're doing and convince them to work with you, or try to teach yourselves. Some interests, like learning a foreign language, will be better pursued through some sort of formal means while others, like learning to cook Thai food together, are things you could probably teach yourselves. Get Serious It's easy to say that you're going to pursue learning something new, but that's much harder to do in actual practice. If you're serious about building a solid friendship with your significant other, though, you'll also want to be serious about learning your new thing together. Ask your partner to keep you accountable and be willing to do the same for them. This doesn't mean that you have to hound one another, but it can help you remember to do things like scheduling time focused on your interest and collecting materials between times. In the process of learning something new together, you will not only find knowledge you didn't have before, but you'll also build part of the foundation for a close friendship with your partner. This friendship will help you commit to each other, forming another aspect of true love.

Article # 3 in "Baby Light My Fire"

"Baby, Light My Fire" Great Sex, Good Sex and Maintenance Sex On a few occasions in your life, you will experience great sex. When everything comes together just right, you can have a mind blowing experience that will last you your whole life long. It can happen when you and your partner are feeling smitten with each other, when you have a particularly special occasion, or are feeling on top of the world for some non-relationship reason. Whatever the cause, great sex happens when some extra variable adds to the pleasure and makes it a peak experience. Not every sexual encounter is going to be great sex. Sometimes the sex is good. Good sex is the normal sexual relations you have with your partner. It is the giving and receiving of pleasure. You don’t even have to orgasm to have good sex, you just have to share physically. Then there’s maintenance sex. Don’t undercut the importance of maintenance sex as it can lubricate the relationship. This is when you don’t have the time for wine and flowers, but you need the release found only in each other’s arms. Women tend to love great sex and appreciate good sex but not understand the importance of maintenance sex. This helps keep you emotionally and physically close when you have only 20 minutes to connect at the end of a stressful day. When Should You Have Sex? The more sex you have, the better. So, ideally, you will have sex whenever one partner wants it. The person who is not in the mood should do whatever he or she can to get in the mood with the partner’s help. Some people enjoy sex in the morning while others prefer it in the evening. Some are only comfortable in the dark while others like the lights all on. Discuss your preferences with your partner and be prepared to make trade offs so you both get what you want some of the time. Why Should You Have Sex? Sex is the glue which keeps you physically and emotionally connected in a relationship. It is a unique experience that you don’t share with anyone else. It helps you become tightly bonded. When you have sex, you feel more like a team and it helps you get through the rough spots. You sense how much your partner cares about you and wants to give you pleasure. Sex is also an amazing release from the everyday stresses life brings on. Orgasm calms you and helps distract you from your problems. Sex offers an emotional and physical release – so most people are easier to live with after they have made love. How Much Sex Should You Have? When you don’t have sex, you fall out of touch with your body. The more sex you have, the more you’ll want it. You will get in touch with your partner’s body and your own. Many people underestimate just how important sex is emotionally, physically, and mentally. They also don’t understand how important it is for the relationship. Sex is a normal healthy drive – just like eating or sleeping. Just ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. So, the more sex you have, the more you’ll want. And that’s a healthy thing.

Article # 2 of "Baby Light My Fire"

Size Doesn't Matter Many people (especially men) think that "the bigger the penis, the bigger the man." Men with small penis' may feel inadequate and larger men may feel they don't have to work as hard as a result of this myth. What a man does with his organ (and his fingers and tongue) are far more important than its size. While many women report being attracted to a large member, they are far more interested in the entire sexual experience – starting with the flowers and candles. If you are a smaller man, you should learn to give a woman a whole range of physical experiences – from kissing and touching to manual stimulation and oral sex to bring her to orgasm. If you are a larger man, these things hold true as well. In fact, they may be more important because she's going to need some extra lubrication to handle you. There’s No One "Right Way"to Orgasm Sigmund Freud asserted that vaginal orgasms were "true" orgasms and clitoral ones were "inferior". In the 1960's studies by Masters and Johnson, researchers directly observed and filmed sex in the laboratory for the first time. They discovered that the physiological experience of orgasm is the same however it is reached. During intercourse, a man indirectly stimulates a woman’s clitoris. Many women find that it is easier to climax with direct stimulation. Therefore, they want manual and oral sex as part of the repertoire. However, that is only part. Though less likely to lead to orgasm, many women say that they would never want to eliminate intercourse because it leads to the closest physical feeling with their partner. Don’t Skip Sex Because You're Not in the Mood Many people think you should skip sex if one partner is not in the mood. If you believe this, you will find yourself in a situation where the two of you have sex less and less. Two people are hardly ever in the mood at the same time. This myth emphasizes your mood before foreplay. Once you start in, you may find yourself getting into the mood. Sex is a stress reducer. If you don't have sex because you are stressed out, you will become increasingly stressed, which could lead to even less sex. The cycle continues. Sex encourages you to be emotionally intimate with your partner. If you're not having sex, you will have more problems in your relationship. If you are not in the mood – let your partner get you in the mood! What Is Good Sex? Good sex is both emotionally healthy and fun. It happens between two mutually consenting adults. It shouldn't cause tissue damage or psychological confusion. Sex should be accompanied with healthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When accompanied with unhealthy thoughts, feelings and behaviors, then these things are reinforced with one of the most powerful reinforces – orgasm. Tomorrows article will continue this series of articles of "Baby, Light My Fire."

Baby Light My Fire

Baby Light My Fire This series of articles is entitled "C'mon Baby Light My Fire." That is because, in many relationships, the fire has gone out of the partnership. The couple is struggling along more out of inertia rather than any real feelings. But it doesn't have to be that way. You can recharge your relationship. Part of it is understanding sex itself and the other part is understanding the emotional underpinnings of a relationship. This report explores both aspects. While people may talk about their deepest feelings about politics and religion freely now, any public discussion of sex remains facile. As a result, there are a lot of strange ideas about making love that are floating around out there. We're more educated about sex these days, and there's no lack of sexually laden images out there. But, real information about sex and relationships is hard to find. So, this article will start with sex myths and move on to exploring the relationship glue that is making love. Five Sex Myths Orgasm is the Goal Many people believe that both partners should achieve orgasm as the end product of any sexual episode. This can only lead to frustration. There's nothing wrong with one partner or the other not coming to climax. Many men feel that they have been less than satisfactory bed partners if they do not bring their mate to orgasm. As a result, they try and try and she becomes increasingly frustrated. He may even begin to feel like a failure. Then, the woman tries to reassure him, eroding the trust and love in the relationship. Sex then becomes stressful rather than a way to release stress. It becomes a chore rather than play time. The question hangs in the air every time the couple makes love: will she orgasm? As a result, the woman becomes too tense to ever orgasm. This is when sex stops being fun and starts being a quest for the "Big 'O' ". The same thing can happen in reverse. If a man can't ejaculate, a woman may feel that she's not doing her job. If she pushes him too hard, he may even stop being able to have an erection with her. This tension and grief is just wasted energy. Sex is giving and receiving pleasure, not a race to orgasm. You need to remember to feel during sex, not perform. In short, relax and enjoy sex. Experience NOT Necessary Sex is not an area where "Practice Makes Perfect." The truth is that if you've been having sex for a long time with a wide variety of partners, you may become overconfident in bed. You may not take the time to find out what this partner wants and needs. Every new partner is a new sexual experience. Everyone is wired differently. Your new partner may find irritating or painful what your last partner found stimulating. Additionally, everyone orgasms a little bit differently – some screaming and some crying. So, don't treat your new partner like you did your last. Make it the first time, every time. this series of articles will continue tomorrow.

Article 4 in series of "A Spoonful Of Sugar"

Today's article is a continuation of yesterdays article in the series of articles on "A Spoonful of Sugar." Cheating For instance, cheating is a serious problem. It involves betrayal and weakens the couple's sexual and emotional bonds. Many marriages don't survive an episode of cheating. A marriage depends on the assumption that one's partner is an honest, loyal and trustworthy person. Cheating demonstrates the opposite. Once the unfaithfulness has happened, it throws the relationship off. The faithful partner may never feel like they know if they can ever trust the other one again. The other person put his or her own needs first and destroyed the trust in the relationship. If there has been infidelity, you must consult with a psychologist together for couple's therapy. The cheating spouse must take responsibility for his or her transgression and the pain it caused. The cheated on spouse will need to be able to express their feelings including hurt, anger, resentment, embarrassment, humiliation, betrayal, and low self esteem. Both parties contributed to the problem, and this needs to be addressed. Often, the person who cheats is dissatisfied with something in the marriage and doesn't have any way to communicate it. Studies have shown that men who cheat are frequently dissatisfied with the quality or frequency of sex with their wives. Women who cheat frequently crave romance and feel underappreciate by their husbands. There are also communication problems within the marriage and a spouse may be acting out in a passive aggressive way. Jealousy Another common problem that can be overcome, but with difficulty, is jealousy. A jealous person is chronically suspicious that their spouse is cheating or taking attention away from him or her and giving it to someone else instead. A jealous person watches every move their partner makes for a sign that he or she is cheating. While it may be rational if the spouse is really cheating, when the other is not violating any promise then the jealousy is irrational. Often the jealous partner thinks their intense feelings are a sign of love. But jealousy is not love. It is a long-term chronic problem that is fueled by low self esteem. It leads to a possessive and controlling relationship. Jealousy damages the trust in a marriage. The jealous person is accusing his or her mate of lying and cheating. Instead of being emotionally supportive of their partner, the jealous person is being critical and accusatory. A jealous person should see a psychological for individual sessions to deal with the irrational feelings they are having. They can delve into the lessons they learned growing up or deal with events in the history of the partnership that may have lead to being jealous. A partner of a jealous person is going to have to figure out whether they want to stick with the relationship. Some of the considerations revolve around how serious the jealousy is, how much they love their partner and whether the positives outweigh the negatives. You can ask your mate to have individual therapy or suggest you go to joint therapy in order to work things out.

Article 3 of a Spoonful Sugar

This article is a continuation of " A Spoonful of Sugar" series. It picks up on the "Things You Can't Fix." If your partner is mentally ill or has a personality disorder and refuses to get help or take medications, you have a justifiable reason to leave them. Some people stop taking their meds because they think they don't need them or because they dislike the side effects. This means that they revert to their psychotic behaviors. Or, they cause grief to others but don't get help because their disorder doesn't make them uncomfortable. Keep in mind that when someone has a personality disorder, therapy can take years. When your spouse has character problems and refuses to seek help, the marriage may be doomed. There are some core issues essential to a relationship including trust, honesty, loyalty, empathy and monogamy. These characteristics are deeply engrained and learned as a young child. That means that they are difficult to change. While therapy can help some people with character problems, you need to be prepared to move on if that doesn't work. If your spouse is too immature to handle the marriage, it can be hard to make the relationship work. Young and immature couples can sometimes grow into the marriage, but if your husband or wife is over 30 and still immature, the situation may not be fixable. Finally, if your partner is sexually or physically abusive toward children or adults, don't even think about working things out – just get out of there. If you care about the other people in your life, you will move on and be safe. Having Said All That... The last section was something of a downer. This article is supposed to be about how to fix a marriage. But, letting you know what's not fixable will allow me to focus on how you can fix things that can be fixed. Sexual Dysfunction There are some problems that lend themselves to therapy. For instance, sexual problems are annoying and frustrating, but they can be relatively easy to fix with the help of a psychologist. For instance, premature ejaculation, difficulty with orgasm, ejaculatory dysfunction, difficulty maintaining erections and painful sex are all fairly mechanical and treatment is usually short term and successful. Not all sexual problems are sexual in nature. Many times they are a result of other problems in the relations. Do you think you can have great sex if you're always arguing with each other? When the problems are based on deficits in the relationship rather than in the mechanics, couples counseling becomes the solution rather than sex therapy. Communication Issues Therapy can also be useful for communications problems. You can learn how to use healthy communication skills to amicably resolve disagreements. You should solve your current problems and learn the process for solving future problems before terminating therapy. Some problems are one sided but can be dealt with in therapy. For instance, a person who has a neurosis is in touch with reality but is uncomfortable. Anxiety and depression are two examples. You or your spouse should commit to a therapy regime to help deal with the issues. Not only will this make your marriage better, it will also make the suffering person feel better. Some problems require more than short term therapy. Overcoming them takes a lot more work. But, through long term therapy and hard work, you can solve these problems if you want to. Tomorrows article will continue the series of articles on "A Spoonful Of Sugar."

Article 2 in series A Spoonful Of Sugar

Article 2 In the series of A Spoonfull of Sugar Get Into a Healthy Relationship Routine I make no claims in this series of articles that I can prescribe a pill that will “fix it and forget it.” Indeed, a marriage must be tended to on a daily basis. So, you need to get into a healthy relationship routine rather than any quick fix. The bond between you and your partner must be strong. You'll see problems when it deteriorates. Everything will seem like a big deal even if the issue at hand is minor. That's why you need to do frequent “checkups” to see how your relationship is working. It's a good idea to take an inventory of your marriage at the end of every day as you are drifting off to sleep. As you review the events of the day, examine how your interactions with your partner went. If you are unsatisfied, figure out how you could have handled it differently and figure out what you can do to correct it tomorrow. When you do this daily, you will notice problems sooner than if you don't and noticing a problem early is the first line of defense in correctly. Problems that Can and Can't be Fixed Not every problem can be fixed, even with a “spoonful of sugar.” Recognizing which are which can help you determine the course of action you should take. The five issues that couples tend to fight about are money, sex, kids, family and friends, and spare time. These are everyday topics that can be fixed when you develop good communication skills. If you are motivated to make the marriage work, you'll find ways to compromise. Unfortunately, there are some problems that have no easy fixes. No matter how much you try, you won't find a solution unless someone or something changes dramatically. If your partner refuses to compromise on most issues, you have to decide whether you are willing to live on his or her terms. Doing so, generally, is not healthy. If you are the one always giving in, your partner is controlling you. You may have a naturally accepting nature, but your spouse is taking advantage of it and taking you for granted. Next, you need to be aiming for the same things. If your partner doesn't share the goal of the relationship, you are in for problems. For instance, if you want children and your spouse doesn't, that can be a deal breaker. One of you is not going to get something deeply desired. There is no way to compromise or meet “half way” on this issue and no amount of talking is going to change the other person's mind. If you have determined this is the case, you should end the relationship and move on. Besides kids, there are other life goals that can split up a marriage. For instance, if you can't compromise on when to buy a house, how to go back to school for a degree, or how to spend money you may need the help of a professional counselor. If counseling doesn't work, a split may be in the works. Tomorrows article will continue the articles on "A Spoonful of Sugar" series.

A Spoonful Of Sugar

A Spoonful of Sugar An infatuation can disappear overnight, but a marriage doesn't fall apart that quickly. The disintegration of your relationship happens over time. Along the way, there are many opportunities to make your union more satisfying and healthy. But, many people spend years and years doing nothing to fix their relationship. They are miserable and their marriage doesn't add any satisfaction to their life. They just can not conceptualize what is happening in their life. Their thoughts are disorganized and confused. They just avoid thinking about their problems and hope for the best. But problems that don't get worked on are never solved. What tends to happen is that things get worse and worse. Both partners get upset over more and more things. Communication spirals downwards and sometimes ceases. Other times, the couple lives in the state of heated arguments and power struggles. One small statement can trigger an entire argument. If you've gotten to this place in your marriage, you need some relationship medicine. And a spoonful of sugar can't help sweeten a sour marriage. A Healthy Marriage – Day by Day You can never afford to stop paying attention to your relationship. If you do, it will stop functioning. Marriage is work, and you have to work at it every day. Just as a car needs regular maintenance, your relationship needs to be tuned up in order to keep running. Some people spend more time keeping their car in good shape – gas, oil changes, and regular maintenance – than they do working with their spouse. The thing is, a car isn't a relationship – your marriage is. A car is a machine. But people have thoughts, feelings, motivations, desires, and actions of their own. These complicate any interactions. And remember – no matter how much money you spent on your car – your relationships are much more expensive! When the two of you first got together, you spent time and emotional energy to become close. You shared your thoughts, feelings and experience with one another. You had secrets that you didn't share with anyone else. Over time, people become guilty of not nurturing their relationships because they have so many other pressing responsibilities. There's a job, housework, and children to tend to. Oh yeah, and a car to take care of! But you owe it to yourself and your spouse to give your relationship special care. While you need to take care of all of the adult responsibilities of life, you also need to be nourished as a person and live a balanced life. That's where your relationship comes in; the things that keep you and your mate closely bonded keep you sane. If you fail to do this, you will spend a lot more time, emotion,energy, and money breaking up and starting over. Tomorrows article will be a continuation of the Series of Articles on "A Spoonful Of Sugar"

9 Regrets In Dating

9 Regrets in Dating We all have committed mistakes in our dating lives or our relationships. Some we have lived to regret. Through some research here are the most common regrets of dating people or people in a relationship. 1. Most people regret not settling down with their childhood sweetheart or 1st love at college. They always believe that there will be more fish out there so why settle down? There might be more fish out there but do they actually fit your taste and personality. Compared to that proven fish that you have already established with your childhood sweetheart or 1st college love. Some people who didn’t marry their childhood sweetheart will only think that they have settled for 2nd best only. This will be unfair to the other party, because you will always be thinking about that 1st love. 2. Dating people for the very wrong reasons always result in disasters. There might be some that could pull it off but it could be rare. Some people date for reasons of that person being physically attractive, business reasons, business contracts, sex or even just out of sympathy. We instead should date people who we seem to like because of their great personality or that being a match for us. A friend of mine tried to date a Muslim because she was pretty attractive, eventually things didn’t work out because of cultural differences. If you know that you are entering a dating situation where things will really not work out, don’t waste your time on it. There could be others out there while you’re wasting your time on the wrong person. 3. People always regret not taking the offer of the date when the offer was there. People will always ask the “what if” question. Just imagine all the girls who turned down Bill Gates now. Bottom line give the person a chance, it won’t hurt to have a sip of coffee for only 30 minutes. You might even find out you might click. 4. In our current society most 20 something people will put career ahead of their love life. This is not a bad thing though. But once you hit your 30’s you will seem to lose something within you. You will become less attractive because of aging signs. Our body clocks will eventually catch up on us. Also most good catches will be fewer. Try to balance out your career and social life. Having a love life doesn’t mean you need to get married and sacrifice your career. It might even inspire you to work harder. It’s just how you view the situation. 5. Never date a married person. Dating a married person always guarantees disaster. This relationship will always be about deceit, lies and cheating. The unmarried party will also be led to expect something that could or might never happen; which is being in a serious relationship with the married person. It might also bother your conscience that you are destroying the life of the married couple. This relationship or dating period will never ever work out and be fun. It will always be filled with doubt. 6. Stupid regrets here, people leave the person they love. Don’t know why. If you love the person why leave him or her? Often reasons for a person leaving his or her partner are due to infidelity. If things do eventually go broke it might be too late to go back. I mean if you love the person why be unfaithful? It might be tempting but it’s only a test of your relationship. Bottom-line, be faithful. 7. People also regret not ending a really bad relationship earlier. There might have been a time during the bad relationship that there was someone better who would’ve wanted to be with you. But because you were in that bad relationship you passed out on that other wonderful person. So if you think you’re just not in the right situation have the courage to end it. 8. Don’t be jackass in your relationship. People often regret that they could have been nicer to their partner. It will always haunt you when you treat your partner badly. How could our relationship have ended if I was nicer? Try to be courteous, remembering special dates (no matter how cheesy they are), kind, compromising, getting something special, being spontaneous. Don’t be too late to change, because you might regret it. 9. Don’t be callous when dumping a person. It definitely hurts and karma has a way of finding you.

8 Types of Women to Avoid Dating

8 Types Of Women To Avoid Dating A recent survey revealed that fifty two percent of men date for intimacy. Men are looking for that “someone” to get romantically involved with and a potential mate for life. There are women that a man should avoid dating. Here are signs to watch out for: 1. The overly feminist. This type of woman assumes and believes man is the cause of all the pains and suffering of a society. It is her strong belief that women are much more intelligent than men and are capable of doing things “the correct way”. Men would not want to spend some time with these types of women, anything that a man will do will always be negative to them. They can never be pleased by a man. 2. The material girl. She is just after the money! These types of women are “high maintenance”. They not just expect, but often demand that a man should finance all her luxuries in life. To her, the man has the responsibility to pay for dinners, drinks, trips, jewelry, flowers etc. while she absolutely feels compulsion or guilt to reciprocate. Simply put, she is a prostitute in disguise. She is a greedy person, having no perception of the feelings of others and her only concern is achieving and obtaining things that she wants. Never be fooled; some appear to be really nice at first, until they know that you would do anything for them. Then the asking for material things starts! 3. The hopeless romantic. These women live inside a perfect world of romance in novels, where love and relationships are perfect and her night and shining armor will always come and they will live happily ever after. She has always been pampered by her and considered a "princess," thus have no idea that what the real life is. She will expect the man to take care of her constantly and that all her wishes be given; if not, she can turn out to be a screaming nag. 4. The angry girl. Similar to the feminist, she actually hates men. They often look down on men accounting a long list of all the injustice and transgressions of every guy that they shared a relationship with. To her, all men are "creeps", "pigs." and jerks. These women have boiling rage at men that can, at any given moment explode. 5. The insecure Miss. They will seem to be very pleasant, loving and accommodating at first, treating men very well. Later, when all her innermost insecurities go up the surface, she can be annoyingly calling the man she is dating at least ten times a day, asking where are you, or that she just missed your voice. This woman demands frequent and persistent reassurance that you love her and you find her attractive; because of this insecurity, she worries continuously about her hair, make up, clothes etc. She can be clingy, needing constant attention and insistently torments you with her thoughts that you will leave her soon if you find someone better. 6. The abstract or elusive type. She is romantic but with a mysteriously dark side. She has been hurt in past relationships and has not gone over it. These bad experiences drive her to subconsciously stay way from or damage her new relationship. She will be very frustrating to deal with, as at first, she will show a lot of interest with the man, however runs away very quickly; she will repeat this cycle again and again. She will date and flirt with the man, but will insist that they both remain as friends. 7. The desperate Miss. She is desperate to get married. She does not even choose to know the man; she just wants to trap him and bring him to the nearest altar! 8. The controlling type. She can be very nasty in a very subtle way, but when given the opportunity, will direct each phase of a man’s life. She will always have a “say” as to what the man wears, where must the man go, who should the man talk to, who can a man have as friends, what a man can and can not eat; as in everything! The man can not insist on his own rights or else, there will be no sex, a lot of crying, screaming, pouting and everything just so the man will give in. To all men, careful!

3 Reasons Why Inner Game will Help Your Love Life

3 Reasons Why Inner Game Will Help Your Love Life Have you ever had great success in one venue, maybe house parties, but were unable to succeed with women you met other places, like perhaps Clubs? Often it is easier for you to be cool and social in one venue than another. This is your `comfort zone`. You know what to say, how to say it, and who to say it too. But outside of that zone, you are toast! This is because we often use certain external techniques and social skills that do not really apply to every venue we might find ourselves in. When you have deep set beliefs that you are a high status male, and that no matter where you are, that you are among the elite males, then all these anxieties and problems fall away. How? Because your strength and resolves makes other people change THEIR mode of behavior to suit yours. If Bill Clinton walked into a raging rock concert or hip hop concert, this one man, would have everyone in a completely different frame of mind, all begging to appease HIS way of interaction. The people bend to YOU. Inner Game Positively Influences Your Body Language * Fifty-five percent of the communications signals we send results from how others see us * Thirty-eight percent flows from the way they hear us * Seven percent comes from our words Having solid Inner Game allows your body language to accurately communicate. This is called `congruence`, when your words are matched by your attitude and body language. If you say Super Man things to a woman, but feel like Clark Kent inside, she WILL know, and you will get nowhere with her. Inner Game Improves Every Aspect Of Your Life, Making You More Attractive I saved the best for last. Inner Game development need not be limited to confidence and belief setting with women. It can apply to everyone, and life in general. You can rethink previous ideas, like you'll never be able to get into a good college, or you'll never make a good XYZ and then your subconscious will begin helping you to change so that these things can happen. What is best is that being successful in life ( and I don't mean being rich ) will make you doubly attractive to women, and that will raise your confidence even more. It is cyclical. Conclusion Not learning proper Inner Game techniques can lead to ALOT of frustration AND embarrassment too using seduction tactics that seem incongruent. Without Inner Game, no amount of "necking", or "cocky funny" will allow you to have lasting success with women.