Test The Waters

Test the Waters Talking can go a long way toward helping to build trust between you and your partner, but there's nothing like putting the things you learn in these conversations to the test. While deliberately provoking your partner is not recommended, there will always be situations where you will get the chance to see if the things you hear in your conversations are actually how your partner lives their life. Hard Times When things get tough in your relationship, you have a great opportunity to build trust between you and your partner. While you might not appreciate this at the time, knowing that you're working toward true love in a committed relationship can help make difficult circumstances easier. Depending on how tough things are, you may or may not be able to experience the trust being built while the hard situation is going on. However, if you feel like your partner is supporting you and standing by you while you figure out how to get through whatever is going on, you are probably in the process of building trust with them. Hard times are also a chance to try commitment on and see how it works with you and your partner. Often, when things are difficult, it would be easier to leave your partner than to stay with them. If you decide to stay together and see how it works out, though, you get the chance to find out whether commitment is something that will work between the two of you. If it seems like a good thing, you will be less likely to feel afraid of a longer term commitment. Awkward Situations Everyone has family members who make their lives difficult or friends who are sometimes hard to be around. Once you've talked to your partner about these people, seeing how your partner reacts to them in person will help you build trust and strengthen your relationship. Things to look for especially include whether or not your partner supports you in hard interactions, how much they tolerate the difficult person, and whether or not they stand up for you if and when that is appropriate. If you feel like your partner was able to stand with you in a hard situation or with a difficult person, you will feel more secure that they will continue to do so throughout the course of your relationship. Note that it's important that you talk with your partner about your difficulties with a person or a situation before you are in the situation together. It's not fair to lead your partner into a situation that they don't know is going to be a test. Instead, talk beforehand. Tell them why things are difficult and what you think would help you feel better about it. Ask them to be there for you in whatever way they feel like they can, and then see what happens. While actually testing your relationship can be scary and often means walking through difficulty, it will be worth it when you know you can trust your partner. Then you will feel more confident committing to them, and so will build true love into your relationship.

Article # 5 "Baby Light My Fire"

Article 5 In The Series "Baby, Light My Fire" Make It a Priority to Spend Time Together Remember when you first got together as a couple and you couldn't wait to see each other? You made it a priority to spend time together. As you got comfortable in your relationship, you may have gotten complacent about the quality time you spend together. Sure, you may "hang out", do chores together, and spend low quality time in each other’s presence. But, spending quality time together is important for the health of any relationship. Try to go out on a real date at least every couple of weeks. When you make an effort to plan and prepare for a date, you indicate to your partner that you continue to enjoy his or her company. Your time is valuable. No matter how rich you are, you only have 24 hours in a day. When you "invest" some of those hours in your partner, you enrich the relationship. If you don't do this, you can expect your relationship to wither away from neglect. Keep Up the Communication You stay close with your honey by sharing your thoughts, dreams, hopes, and fears. If you stop doing this, your relationship will die. There are many types of communication in a relationship. Some is the currency of everyday life: "can you pick up a gallon of milk on the way home?" "who's going to drop off the kids." Some of it is endearing – particularly "I love you." Some of it is pillow talk. And, some is effectively arguing. That's right – not every communication is going to be one of love or agreement. You need to know how to fight fair if you are going to have a successful relationship. That's because no relationship goes along smoothly 100 percent of the time. There are issues to be resolved. How you resolve those problems is key to how effective your relationship works for you. So, learn to be assertive about your needs but also willing to listen and compromise. Learning the art of communication with your partner will go a long way to securing your relationship for the duration. The Most Important Times of the Day There are three times during the day that are key to your relationship. While they only last 15 minutes a piece, these 45 minutes are more important than the other 23 hours combined. The first important time is the first time you see each other in the morning. So, instead of grousing, start the day with a big hug and tell your partner you love him or her. The next time is right when you get home from work. You've been apart for 10 hours or so and this is your chance to reconnect. Don't come in, slam the door and complain about your boss. Instead, start the evening off right by letting your spouse know how much you appreciate coming home to him or her. This is not to say that you can't use your spouse as a sounding board for the problems you face in work or life. But, treasure the first 15 minutes by making an effort to be positive about the other person rather than negative about outside forces. Finally, the last 15 minutes before one of you drifts off to sleep are key. Your brain will work on the things that are said and done right before falling asleep, so make sure these experiences are positive. If you are not married or living together but are in a committed relationship, the last 15 minutes you spend before going home for the night are probably the most important of the date. By practicing appreciation during these three 15 minute periods, you will let your mate know that you don't take him or her for granted. Wonderful things tend to happen when you reshape your approach during these times. You will find it easier to handle stress that happens during the other times because you have "banked" these good times. Article 6 in the series of "Baby, Light My Fire" articles will conclude this series of articles.

Lack Of Trust In A Relationship

Lack of Trust In A Relationship Your Relationship and Lack of Trust Love can't exist without trust. If one person within the relationship constantly feels as though the other is sneaking around or hiding secrets, or perhaps has even been caught being unfaithful, this can damage the trust in a relationship. Mutual trust can be a strong basis for a healthy relationship. When that trust is breached, not only does one partner feel betrayed, disappointed and cheated, but the other partner can often feel enormous guilt. These negative emotions can lead to other problems within the relationship, including communication problems and insecurity. Building and earning another person's trust and respect takes time, especially after catching your partner out on something major, like an affair or a significant lie. Only you can know whether you're prepared to forgive a major breach in trust. If you do decide to work on mending the relationship you should also be prepared not to throw the indiscretion back in the other person's face at every opportunity. When you've told your partner you're willing to forgive what's happened, but then immediately make them feel bad for it all over again at every opportunity, you're holding a grudge, which can break down any work you've done towards trying to fix your relationship. Mending the Rift If the trust in your relationship has been destroyed, trying to cling to your partner or not let them out of your sight is not going to make things better. You'll end up smothering the other person and making them feel suffocated. Your own fears about them repeating the problem are creating even less trust, which can spiral into a vicious cycle. Holding a grudge and reminding your partner about their behavior regularly is also a sign that you're not willing to forgive and move on. Your partner may begin to feel as though it's all too hard if you're not willing to work on more positive ways to get through a bad patch. Communication and understanding are vital when you're trying to mend a breach in trust. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If he or she is truly sorry for the behavior and seems honestly regretful about it, then there's a chance that it was a mistake and won't be repeated. However, there are some occasions where it may be possible to consider if you want to remain in the relationship at all. Only you can know if you're willing to forgive a breach of trust.

Persue Each Others Interests

Pursue Each Others Interests In addition to pursuing interests that are new to both of you, you can also build the friendship between you and your partner by pursuing things that are only of interest to one of you. This shows the other person that you truly care for them, because you're willing to go out of your way to understand them, and also gives the two of you even more things you can do together. Why Pursue Something That You're Not Interested In? For some people, the idea of pursuing interests that aren't their own sounds like an onerous task. There are, however, many good reasons to try and do so anyway. First of all, doing something that wouldn't be your first choice of activities simply because it's important to your partner communicates a lot of things to them, all of them positive. It says that they are more important to you than your own comfort level, and that you are willing to try new things simply because your partner is in your life. All of these will lead to a deeper friendship between the two of you. Secondly, long-term relationships involve a lot of give and take. If you're not able to enter into this aspect of the relationship in something simple like spending an afternoon doing something you don't really like, you should consider how ready you really are for a more serious relationship. Finally, one of the most important aspects of friendship is having things you can do with another person. If you know, at least at a basic level, how to do an activity that your partner enjoys, then it is one more thing that you can do together. It may not be something you want to do all the time, but having it in your arsenal gives you one more tool for building a more committed relationship. What if You Hate It? Sometimes, your partner will be interested in something that you simply cannot pursue with them. Maybe you've tried skydiving and it made you ill, or you're allergic to plants and your partner likes to grow things. When these situations arise, make sure your partner knows why you cannot pursue their interest with them. Express how much you care for them, and make an effort to make specific plans with them to do something else. Then, allow your partner to go his or her own way and enjoy the chosen activity without you. Giving your partner this freedom can also communicate how important they are to you and that you want the relationship to be deeper and stronger.

Fear In A Relationship

Fear In a Relationship Relationship Fear There are couples who remain together out of fear. They fear being alone, they fear what it might mean to lose their loved one. They fear having to survive financially without a partner or they fear leaving because their partner has threatened them in some way. Fear is simply a sense of dread about the unknown, fueled by the imagination giving you all sorts of worst-case-scenario images about what might go wrong. If you're in your relationship because you're afraid to be alone, then this should be a signal to you that your relationship isn't right for you, but you aren't ready to move on as an independent adult. However, if your fear is based on a more serious psychological issue, such as physical or emotional abuse, then things are a little different. There are people who remain in relationships because they fear what their partner would do to them if they left. Their partner may have threatened to commit suicide if they leave, or they may have threatened to hunt them down and hurt them if they leave. Each of these kinds of threats falls under the Emotional Blackmail category and is damaging the trust, respect and future of the relationship. Mending the Rift Understand the reasons why you're afraid of your partner or fearful of leaving and then look closely at the reasons why you're staying. If you truly love that person and you know the relationship is perfect for you, then you will need to sort through your fear and anxiety to uncover the root of the problem. However, if your partner is abusive or threatening or has anger management issues, ask yourself seriously what kind of person shows love this way. Is this the type of love you want to receive? If you fear someone so much that you're afraid to leave, then you should question whether love is really a part of your relationship at all. A strong, healthy relationship involves love, trust and respect for and from each of you. These feelings can only survive when there is no fear of your partner or of what your partner might do. Communication and honesty about your feelings can be a good step towards mending some of the fear-issues, but only you can know if the relationship is worth saving in these circumstances.

Article # 4 "Baby Light My Fire "

Article 4 In The Series of "Baby, Light My Fire" Where to Have Sex The bedroom is the typical place where people have sex. Some people are more adventurous – "christening" each room in a brand new house or having sex outdoors for instance. If you are having trouble finding the time for sex or if neither of you are in the mood for sex these days, try getting away for a few days. Most people find that taking a trip is one of the most sexually liberating things they can do. Who to Have Sex With If you want your relationship to work, you should have sex only with your partner. Sex outside the relationship can destroy it. Sex is an intense, bonding experience. Bringing a third party into the scenario – whether through infidelity or through agreement – can only weaken the bonds that sex helped to create. Your Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings to behaviors. Therefore, if you are not behaving in a way conducive to romantic feelings, your thoughts are likely to blame. And you can change your thoughts. If you have been thinking negative thoughts about your partner, it is likely that those thoughts will lead to negative behaviors. These negative behaviors undermine your relationship. You need to be able to appreciate your partner's quirks. It would be pretty boring if your spouse or lover was just like you. Don't be like My Fair Lady's Henry Huggins and ask "why can't a lady be more like a man?" Appreciate your lady (or man) for what she is – not for what you are. You should also be aware of trying to make your partner into a clone of your gender. For instance, many women want their spouse to be more romantic, intuitive, communicative, and aware of details. These are feminine traits. Most women want their husbands to be masculine, but then undercut their manhood through pestering them about things that are ultimately feminine. Don't expect your husband to be just another one of your girlfriends. Try to look at your spouse's idiosyncrasies with a sense of humor. If he has a habit of leaving the cabinet doors open, don't get irritated. Lighten up. Think of it as a goofy behavior or an endearing trait. There are real problems in the world. Things like squeezing the toothpaste from the middle or leaving the toilet seat up are just quirky traits. Try not to let them become an 800 pound gorilla in the relationship. Neither your partner nor you are perfect. If you keep that in mind, these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors won't impede your relationship. Practice Being Warm, Upbeat, and Empathetic Most people want to be around other people who are warm and positive, not someone who is constantly complaining and nagging. It's just human nature. Think about this: if you're not fun to be around, why should your husband or wife want to hang around? You can be positive, warm, upbeat, and empathetic regardless of whatever problems you have in your life. It is a choice you can make. Take this test: if you were your partner, would you want to be with yourself? If the answer is no, you need to work on your positive attitude. Put yourself in your partner's shoes and you'll be able to see yourself and your own behaviors much more clearly. Try to start to act like someone you'd like to be with on a daily basis. It will improve your relationship significantly. Tomorrows article will continue the series of "Baby, Light My Fire"

Build Friendship, Learn Something Together

Build Friendship: Learn Something Together When you're in the process of building trust and getting to know each other, hopefully you'll also start building a close friendship with your partner. If you're going to commit to a long-term relationship and work at building true love, make sure you're doing it with someone who you not only love, but also like and enjoy spending time with. In an extended relationship, it can be this sort of deep friendship that holds things together when times are tough or you feel like the spark is gone. One of the best ways to build a friendship is to pursue common interests. When you're specifically working at making a casual relationship deeper, working to build common interests from the ground up can be especially effective. Thus, it will pay off for the two of you to spend some time learning something new together. Make Sure the Interest is Common While there's definitely a place for both of you to pursue something that only one of you is interested in, when building a new interest you should make sure it's something that you both really want to do. Most likely, one of you will be more interested in it than the other one is, but it still should be something both parties have a legitimate interest in. Find Something to Learn The possibilities for interests you can pursue together are endless. You can learn everything from dancing to pottery to gardening to a foreign language and more! If you're not sure where to start, it can help to look through the catalog of a local community college. While you might not want to do something as serious as taking a class together, it will give you a good idea of the different interests you could pursue. There are also lots of ways for the two of your to pursue your interests. You can take a class, hire a tutor, find a friend who knows what they're doing and convince them to work with you, or try to teach yourselves. Some interests, like learning a foreign language, will be better pursued through some sort of formal means while others, like learning to cook Thai food together, are things you could probably teach yourselves. Get Serious It's easy to say that you're going to pursue learning something new, but that's much harder to do in actual practice. If you're serious about building a solid friendship with your significant other, though, you'll also want to be serious about learning your new thing together. Ask your partner to keep you accountable and be willing to do the same for them. This doesn't mean that you have to hound one another, but it can help you remember to do things like scheduling time focused on your interest and collecting materials between times. In the process of learning something new together, you will not only find knowledge you didn't have before, but you'll also build part of the foundation for a close friendship with your partner. This friendship will help you commit to each other, forming another aspect of true love.